(CBS) An alleged crook running from police needed a place to hide.
James Brienzo saw a dumpster and leaped into it, authorities in Alliance, Ohio say.
But, reports Paul Joncich, of CBS Cleveland affiliate WOIO, there was one problem: It was trash day, and collectors were about to make a pick.
Minutes later, Brienzo was scooped up and dumped in the back of a garbage truck.
While swimming in garbage, he fished out his cell phone and called a friend, who called police.
"He is in the trash truck. He said it compacted him once and is getting ready to again," a police dispatcher said.
Police had to electronically track the cell phone to find the right garbage truck.
But, says Joncich, Brienzo was so wedged in the only way to get him out -- was to empty the compressed trash.
Brienzo fell to the ground, amid the trash, head-first.
Another Alliance officer says Brienzo "was in a lot of pain. He had been compacted several times. He was begging us to empty the truck."
He was listed in critical condition in an area hospital.
What makes this even funnier is the fact that he was running from the cops after being caught shoplifting from — wait for it....... — Wal-Mart. If you're from Alliance, OH, steal from Wal-Mart AND hide in dumpsters, you might be a redneck, but you're definitely an asshole. And your being nearly crushed by your stupidity (metaphorically represented by the trash compactor) only proves that point.
News report after the stretch.
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Supplier: CBS
No, your eyes are not deceiving you. That really is two people who look like slaves standing next to a man dressed as a Civil War soldier. As if that weren't bad enough, the White dude is an elected official.
From the Post & Courier (SC):
COLUMBIA - Glenn McConnell says he doesn't want to live his life worrying about being politically correct.
The man widely considered to be the state's most powerful politician on Wednesday characterized as nonsense a nationwide Internet firestorm over a recent photo of him smiling in a uniform, the one he wore in the movie "The Hunley" to portray Confederate Gen. Thomas Jordan. McConnell stands between a black man and woman who appear to be dressed as slaves.
McConnell, a white Charleston Republican and president pro tem of the Senate, said the snapshot actually shows just how far the state has come in race relations, despite what the blogosphere might have to say. ...
Dot Scott, president of the Charleston branch of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, said when she looks at the picture she sees "the master standing in the middle with the two slaves standing at his side."
I think everybody in this photo should be ashamed of themselves, but, of course, they all say there's a perfectly reasonable explanation.
More after the stretch.
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McConnell and a handful of white Civil War-era re-enactors were invited along with Gullah storytellers Frank and Sharon Murray, who portrayed traditional Lowcountry blacks from the 1860s, to participate in "A Southern Experience," an event hosted Friday [Sept. 10} in Charleston by the South Carolina Federation of Republican Women. ...
McConnell said the event Friday night was conducted in a respectful, historical context. Re-enactments include blacks and whites and draw people from all across the country who want to learn more about history, he said.
"Tell me what is offensive about having the differing parts of the culture there? What are we going to try and do in America, sanitize history?" McConnell said from his office in the Statehouse. ...
"These folks didn't ask me to take this picture or participate in this skit because they were trying to make some political statement. This picture says, if anything, how we cross the culture lines."
Sharon Murray said she and her husband were neither portraying freedmen nor slaves. They were invited to teach the women about the Gullah culture, she said. Their garments were replicas of clothing worn by skilled craftsmen of the Civil War era.
The Murrays were paid for their time, and Sharon Murray said the night also offered the couple a chance to network with political activists who might, in turn, become educated on the Gullah culture and help promote efforts to preserve the history.
The Murrays are well known in the Charleston community for their work.
"My husband and I are preservationists," Murray said.
OK, even if the Murrays were innocently trying to school folks on Gullah culture, I don't see how they failed to recognize what a turrible idea this was.
Because these pictures seem to SCREAM "that's racist." Just like my lil' homie Toothless Rufus.
Suppliers: FitsNews & The Post & Courier
(CNN) -- An Ohio mother has been accused of teaching her 2-year-old daughter to smoke marijuana after prosecutors said she e-mailed to friends a video of the child puffing on a joint.
Jessica Gamble is charged with child endangerment, evidence tampering and "corrupting another with drugs," according to an indictment returned by a grand jury in Cincinnati. The 21-year-old mother could face up to 11 years in prison if convicted on all charges.
They need to lock this woman up — and the parents of the Indonesian baby who smoked 40 cigarettes a day — IMMEDIATELY.
Watch the news report from HLN after the stretch.
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Supplier: CNN
Perhaps you've heard the story of Bethany Storro, the 28-year-old woman who claimed to have been attacked by an unknown Black woman wielding a cup of acid. This chick had the whole world feeling for her — until she admitted that she made the whole thing up and had actually burned herself with the acid.
VANCOUVER, Wash. (Associated Press) - A woman who gained sympathy worldwide after she claimed a random assailant threw acid on her face came forward Thursday with a startling admission: She inflicted the attack on herself.
Vancouver police chief Clifford Cook said Bethany Storro admitted under police questioning to fabricating a story about the attack, in which she suffered severe burns. ...
"During the interview, Ms. Storro admitted the injuries were self-inflicted," Cook said.
Police had been seeking a black woman with a ponytail after Storro described the Aug. 30 attack. She had said the woman asked her, "Hey, pretty girl, want something to drink?" then threw acid in her face. ...
A burn surgeon who operated on Storro said the substance thrown on her face was an acid as strong as hydrochloric or sulfuric acid.
What a crazy thing to do. Maybe this chick has Munchausen Syndrome.
Whatever the case, she's definitely an asshole for this one.
Check out some pictures of Storro's self-inflicted wounds and the non-existent Black woman she blamed for them after the stretch.
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"My heart stopped. I almost passed out. Once it hit me, I could actually hear it bubbling and sizzling on my skin," Storro told reporters.
Suppliers: HuffPo & AOL News
NEW YORK — Few if any of the deals retailers have offered online during the recession have been as good as Best Buy Inc.'s sale price of $9.99 on a 52-inch TV Wednesday. But it quickly turned out the offer was too good to be true.
The electronics retailer said it will not honor the $9.99 price posted Wednesday morning on its Web site for a 52-inch Samsung flat-screen TV. By early afternoon, the TV was listed at $1,799.99, almost half off the original $3,399.99 price.
Bloggers and Twitterers lit up the Internet with posts about the offer, some insisting Best Buy must honor it, others making jokes.
Best Buy, based in Richfield, Minn., said it has corrected an online pricing error and will not honor the incorrect price. Orders made Wednesday morning at the incorrect price will be canceled and customers will receive refunds, the company said.
Best Buy did not immediately return a call for additional comment.
I see some "false advertisement" suits looming. Don't know if there's an actual case for 'em, but please believe they're coming.
Supplier: HuffPo
From ABC News:
Newlywed Dalia Dippolito appeared inconsolable when she arrived at her Florida home Wednesday morning and police told her that her husband had been murdered. But local authorities said her mournful sobs were just an act.
Boynton Beach, Fla., police allege Dippolito's tears and devastated demeanor were part of a carefully orchestrated performance, and that she actually hired a hit man to murder her husband of six months.
That's bad and all, but it's not what makes this broad an asshole. This is basically the story of a dirty bitch gettin' done dirty, which is exactly what she deserved. The cops set the bitch up and taped her playin' herself on some Punk'd shit. Pretty funny to me.
Check out the video after the stretch.
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You stupid bitch. LOL.
Still, on some G shit, she entered a "not guilty" plea and will be on home confinement until the trial starts.
Deny it 'til the end, bitch. That'll only make it funnier when you get locked up.
SUNSET HILLS, Mo. - Like most restaurants, the Burger King in this St. Louis suburb has a no shoes, no shirt, no service policy.
And baby, do they enforce it.
Too much so, the company admitted, after apologizing for restaurant workers who asked a mother to leave because her 6-month-old wasn't wearing shoes.
Burger King released a statement Thursday indicating workers had taken the no shoes, no service policy too far.
"Our franchisee, which independently owns and operates this restaurant, apologizes for this guest's experience," the statement read. "The franchisee is retraining his restaurant team on the proper use of the 'no shoes' policy."
Frederich told the TV station the flap was a bit overblown, and she hoped no one would be fired. But she appreciated Burger King's apology.
She's better than me, 'cause I would went the fuck off.
Some Army dude lets his boys gas him to drink from their spitter -- that's where they spit their tobacco juice, by the way -- for $100.
If you're squeamish, you might not wanna watch this.
That's fuckin' GROSS. You gotta come harder than $100 for that one.
Supplier: Tasty Booze
From USA Today:
A New York City woman who says she can't find a job is suing her college for the $70,000 tuition she spent in earning a bachelor's degree, the New York Post reports.
Trina Thompson, 27, filed a lawsuit last week against Monroe College, saying she has not been able to find a job since she got her information technology degree in April.
She says the school's Office of Career Advancement hasn't provided her with the leads and career advice it promises, the newspaper reports.
"They have not tried hard enough to help me," the frustrated Bronx resident wrote about the school in her lawsuit.
Monroe College spokesman Gary Axelbank says the lawsuit is completely without merit, the Post notes.
Bitch, please. You just graduated 3 months ago, AND we're in a recession.
I'm sure UPS is hiring. Or maybe you could try Sue's Rendezvous.
Assist: The NY Post
Come on, young nigga. You might as well have set your money on fire. SMH.
Muthafucka, WHY?
I ain't even got no more words for ya.
The "Asshole" spotlights are usually kinda funny, but this here is no laughing matter. From MSNBC:
WAUSAU, Wis. - A central Wisconsin man accused of killing his 11-year-old daughter by praying instead of seeking medical care was found guilty Saturday of second-degree reckless homicide.
Dale Neumann, 47, was convicted in the March 23, 2008, death of his daughter, Madeline, from undiagnosed diabetes. Prosecutors contended he should have rushed the girl to a hospital because she couldn't walk, talk, eat or drink. Instead, Madeline died on the floor of the family's rural Weston home as people surrounded her and prayed. Someone called 911 when she stopped breathing.
Doctors testified that Madeline would have had a good chance of survival if she had received medical care, including insulin and fluids, before she stopped breathing.
Neumann, who once studied to be a Pentecostal minister, testified Thursday that he believed God would heal his daughter and he never expected her to die. God promises in the Bible to heal, he said.
"If I go to the doctor, I am putting the doctor before God," Neumann testified. "I am not believing what he said he would do."
That's crazy talk, if you ask me.
God promises to heal, but I don't think that means He doesn't want you to take your kids to the doctor; nor do I believe God would consider your taking your child to the hospital as your way of putting the doctor in His place.
Overzealous religion made this guy do something fatally stupid. The smart thing would've been to call 911 immediately and pray that the doctors use their medical skills -- the skills that God gave them the strength to learn -- to the best of their ability to save this young lady's life.
But he didn't, and now his daughter is dead, his faith is shaken and his freedom -- as well as that of his wife, 41-year-old Leilani Neumann, who was convicted of the same charge back in Spring -- is gone.
Whether this guy's stupidity is criminal is, I guess, debatable.
I understand faith, but this I just don't get.
R.I.P. Madeline Neumann
FRASER, Mich. — A game of Monopoly has landed a Michigan man in jail. WDIV-TV reported a 54-year-old man was playing the board game Saturday night with a female friend when he tried to buy Park Place and Boardwalk from her.
When she refused, Fraser police Lt. Dan Kolke told WWJ-AM he hit her in the head, breaking her glasses.
The man was arrested and charged with misdemeanor assault and battery.
Supplier: HuffPo via AP
From USA Today:
OAKLAND, California (AP) — Oakland police say a man impersonating a police officer tried to pull over a real undercover officer and was arrested.
Police say 21-year-old Antonio Fernandez Martinez of Oakland was arrested Wednesday in the Fruitvale district after trying to pull over an unmarked police vehicle. Martinez was driving a Ford Crown Victoria outfitted with flashing lights, a microphone and speakers.
Martinez, a convicted car thief, will have his felony probation revoked and could face a prison term.
The officer, Jim Beere, says Martinez probably thought he'd be an easy mark to rob.
You, sir, are an idiot. But remember:
I'd like to formally introduce "You're An Asshole", a section that will be sporadically recurring here on AD whose intention is to put a spotlight on some of the stupidest shit people do.
Our inaugural Asshole is Slaughterhouse's West Coast rep, the one and only Crooked I. As a caveat, let me just say that I fux with Slaughterhouse and I fux with Crooked I. The guy's rhymes prove that he's got some intelligence.
But this shit right here, nigga? Simply inexcusable.
What in the fuck does S-L-A-U-G-T-E-R spell? How the fuck you in a group and can't spell the name?
I guess that medicinal they got out in Cali really is the shit!!
If you're interested, there's a little more shit talkin' after the stretch.
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Obviously, I jacked these pics from the homie illseed. He seems to believe that the tatt artist is to blame but I beg to differ.
Well, kinda.
Yeah, the artist is the one who fucked up the spelling, but the nigga Crook didn't seem too upset to me (I mean, the nigga took a picture like the shit was hot) which probably means he didn't even know he was just tagged with some incorrect shit (even though I'm sure he watched the tatt being done) which qualifies him to be today's Asshole.
Crook, my nigga, you're a dope MC; but how fuckin' high do you have to be to allow something like this to happen? I wonder what the rest of the SLAUGTERhouse has to say about this. SMH.
It's not the end of the world, Crook, but you've certainly set yourself up for some serious ridicule. You can recover, though. Just remember:
Supplier: AHH
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